Sweet Disposition

It's hard for me to adequately explain the altered state of mind I have been thrown into. My brain is flooded with dopamine causing this incredibly feeling resonating from my chest to my hands. The desire to have something, the temptation. Finally, the manipulation involved to cause me to experience it. Why do I still crave it knowing the intention? As soon as his name is mentioned I start to fade, but I try to exist. My thoughts become cluttered and my hands shake. Then, he's there. Stoic. His use of metaphors and subliminal comments stick to my soul. I know he is capable of more than most know. It seems like he wanted me to know that, of course, without directly saying it. I would never admit what I think that is. I just keep wondering, does he know I know? He has to. I am giving him what he wants, and so far at no extreme detriment to myself. His demands aren't unrealistic, however, he did put me in a situation where it's not an option either. That's okay. I accept this challenge.